Working with a Positive Attitude Partner

One of the keys I have found for successfully changing my mindset is to have a Positive Attitude Partner. 

A Positive Attitude Partner needs to be someone who will lovingly support you by reflecting back to you any of your negative self-talk. It’s important that you also get to reflect back to them as well when they are talking negatively about themselves. We frequently get into a habit of talking negatively about ourselves or as we speak we judge ourselves, all on auto pilot. By having a loving, supportive Positive Attitude Partner we have someone that helps us notice those habitual behaviors that we aren’t typically aware of.

The other benefit of having the partner who loving points out those habits, is that it helps us to begin to notice those habitual behaviors that we previously did unconsciously.

Here are some examples that we hear people say regularly.

1. I should have done xxxxx.
2. I can’t believe that I missed xxxxx.
3. There I go again messing xxxxx up.
4. Damn, I never get anything right.
5. Life’s a bitch and then I die (I used to say this regularly – it started out as something we said in the office that we thought was funny).
6. I never get to have any fun.
7. I am exhausted.
8. I’m overwhelmed all of the time.
9. There is never enough time in the day to get everything done.
10. I hate xxxxx.
11. I suck at xxxxx.
12. I never was any good at xxxxx.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. So, when you friend notices you saying one of these or some other negative / non-supportive statement, their role is to point that out to you, without making you feel beat up. The same holds true for you when your role is to reflect back to them when they say negative / non-supportive things to themselves as well.

The challenge is to do this reflection without making the other person feel beat up. So, here are a couple of ideas on how to do that. What you want to do is point out what the person said by making it something you can both laugh about. You know laughter is so good for the soul and frankly laughter is a great way to let go of those negative / non-supportive words we are constantly saying, as soon as we notice that we are saying them.

One of the funny things one friend does for me is this. When I say I should have done or should do something, she tells me “Don’t should on Yourself”. One might wonder what’s so negative about saying I should have done or I should do something. The minute you use the word should, it is no longer something you want to do, but instead an obligation. By her telling me not to should on myself, I can laugh about it and re-prioritize whatever it was in my mind. If I say I should have done something, it’s a statement indicating that I’ve done something wrong, having someone reflect that back to me, allows me to take a moment and honor that what I did is in the past, I can’t undo it, all I can do is learn from it and do something different the next time I am given a similar opportunity.

Here is something I do with a few of my friends, when we catch the other person saying something negative about themselves. I stand in a power position, typically with my feet at least a shoulder width apart and my hands on my hips and I look at them and say: “Don’t beat up on or pick on  my friend (and then insert their name). Typically, it breaks the cycle of negativity quickly and we both laugh. Another way to do it is to say something like, Do you really believe you are xxxxx? or You really are a wonderful person, I don’t like it when you speak so negatively about yourself.

I’d love to hear fun ideas for making it easy to support others and receive support when your negative self-deprecating behavior has gone on auto-pilot.